Jim was only 28 when Jane was killed in an auto accident while returning home from her job. He was left with their son, Mike, who was 4 years old. Jim tells his story. “At first, everyone rushed over and wanted to keep Mike for me. Some of our friends almost couldn’t accept no for an answer. Yet, I felt that Mike needed to be with me, and certainly I needed him. “It is also amazing to remember who came over the first few days. People whom we had hardly known brought food. At first, when they asked what they could do, I replied, ‘Nothing.’ Yet, they were so obviously disappointed that I finally tried to think of something for them to do. This seemed to make them feel better, although I’m not sure it helped me. In a way, I needed things to do—things to distract me from my grief at least for a short time. “Although I certainly mourned at first, I found that I was often too angry to mourn. I wanted revenge on the other driver, and I was particularly mad at the city for allowing such a dangerous intersection to exist without stop signs. At times, I was even angry at my wife for driving so poorly, but this always made me feel guilty. Actually, I think I was angry at the whole world. Why did events conspire to take her away from me? “I had a lot of remorse for things I had put off doing with and for Jane. We really should have spent the money and gone home to see her parents last Christmas. Why hadn’t I told her I loved her more often? In many ways, at first, I felt I had failed her. “As time passed, however, I realized that perhaps she had failed me just a little also. At first, I could only think of the good things. To think of bad things between us when she wasn’t there to defend herself just seemed terrible. Gradually, though, I have been able to see her and our relationship as it really was, with both good and bad. I want to preserve her memory for myself and our son, but I want it to be a realistic memory, not a case of heroine worship. I do fantasize about her, especially when I’m alone, and it really helps me to relive some of the memories, but I know that they can’t substitute for the present. I must keep living and going forward for myself and our son. “Although I’m not dating yet, I will in the future. She’d not want me to remain alone the rest of my life. Right now, though, I prefer to be alone with our son, with my thoughts and memories. I need time to understand what has happened, time to be sad. I need time for grief, time to adjust to my new single-parent role, time to ease the pain. I’ll be ready for a new relationship only after I have laid the old one gently and lovingly to rest. When the time comes, I will look forward to marrying again.”